I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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