I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize