Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
