We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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