Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
