Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
