i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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