where am i from again
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
