I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
