Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wanna go halves on a baby?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
