wat bout pragnant strippers??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
