I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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