I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize