I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
