okay pat passed out under dana's car
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
