I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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