Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
