You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
