My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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