I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
