HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Randomize
