Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
