wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
