It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is the high leading the old right now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
