I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
