I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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