Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
