why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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