you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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