what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
