Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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