my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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