i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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