I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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