Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
