my phone needs a breathalizer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
