y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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