i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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