areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
