we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
