did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
