Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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