First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
