whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
