he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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