I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
