You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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