after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
