There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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