i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
