I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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