We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
