Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
