what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
