If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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