Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
