I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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