Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
