As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize