is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
