Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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