why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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