Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
