Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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