I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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