Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
