Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
