he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
